A Look Back at the Fairytale Wedding that Started it All

***With the exciting news that there is a tiny new member of the Royal Family on his/her way, I thought I would share with you the live-blog I wrote during the actual wedding. Lizzie and I stayed up all night to watch it, while dressed in fancy pajamas, pearls and wearing big floppy wedding hats.  I hope you enjoy! xoxo***

(Side note: Lizzie and I find it extremely inconsiderate of Wills and Kate to marry at 11am. Charles and Diana were married in the afternoon, which meant that we Yanks did not have to pull an all nighter just to witness their nuptials. Just sayin’…)

12:24: The coffee is ready. I didn’t expect that we would need a caffeine jolt quite so early, but it turns out that we do.

12:26: Reporter is interviewing a young male singer in the Westminster Choir. With his little gray cardigan, red tie and falsetto voice, I predict this kid is going to have one heck of a time getting dates.

12:31: This coffee is terrific. We usually buy the Costco brand, but for Wills and Kate, we splurged on Starbucks.

12:34: Just saw footage of Wills greeting the crowds yesterday. I make the observation that he seems like such a nice, well rounded guy-Diana would be proud. 

12:36 Interviewing the police commissioner. Would he be called a “bobby?’

12:37: There’s talk of “sniffer” dogs policing the crowd. I have sniffers dogs, too, but the only policing they do is each other’s butts.

12:38: Interviewer shares with us that she is impressed that the “sniffer” dogs sniffed her sandwich and left it alone. This was met with a chuckle and a “Why, I never!” from the commentator. Love those Brits!

12:47: Commercial: Did you know that you can go to college AND stay in your pajamas?

12:50: How awful to have to fill two hours of air time with uninteresting trivia and man-on-the-street interviews. Of course, we’re watching it, so it can’t be THAT awful.

1:00: Lizzie suggests we take a break from all the mindless filler coverage and watch an X-Files. Would that be anti-Royal Wedding? Well, yes, but we’re pretty sure that’s what Fox Mulder would want.

2:10: After watching the chupacabra X-files episode, we are back, baby!

2:11: Hey, there’s David and Victoria Beckham. Can’t help but think how appropriate it is to have Victoria Beckham appearing on the heels of the X-Files.

2:11: Awful dress alert. Woman behind Victoria Beckham in striped monstrosity. I suspect Victoria warned her to walk several feet behind her or else she would open a can of David on her shins.

2:12: Just saw Prince Harry’s on again/off again girlfriend, Chelsey Davy arrive and believe you me, her dress looks nothing like the sketch.  Chelsey is kind of like the British equivalent of Paris Hilton, albeit with unkempt hair.

2:31: Wow, just saw a royal blue clad woman with what appears to be an equally royal blue hat in the shape of a banana placed directly in the middle of her head.

2:42: A little Princess Diana footage. One can never see enough of that.

2:43: T-minus 17 minutes til we get some Prince action

2:45: All these musical lyrical British accents…and then you hear an American interviewed in the crowd. And she’s from Milwaukee. I have nothing against Milwaukee, mind you-it’s just that accent is a bit jarring.

2:50: The hats. Oh, the hats.

2:57: Commentator’s take on a very unusual hat: “Hey, look at that Fly Trap thing on her face.”

2:58: Commentator: “There’s that guest with that hat-she’s in every shot. Watch her turn out to be someone incredibly important and I’m going to get in trouble for that Fly Trap comment.” 3:00: Cosette is barking at a car horn on a commercial. She’s so tired that her mind is playing tricks on her.

3:02: Okay, where are William and Harry?

3:02: Most of these guests have arrived two hours early; wonder what happens when one of them have to use the bathroom?

3:05: A guest arrives in a wheelchair with a fancy hat, fancy dress and foot propped up in a cast. Royal Wedding Fail.

3:07: David Cameron just arrived with his wife.  I expected his wife to be more stylish, but what do I know? I’m sitting on my couch in leopard print pajamas with a fancy hat and pearls.

3:15: And here come the Princes. William’s red coat just shines out of that back seat. They do look quite handsome.

3:18: I’m switching between stations which is frustrating Lizzie.

3:18: Wasn’t the prince in Cinderella wearing a red coat?

3:19: What’s with the little red crown cut-out affixed to a spring on the roof of the Princes’ car? I mean, couldn’t they have come up with something a little better?

3:21: The princes are in the abbey. I repeat, the princes are in the abbey.

3:23: Thinking about how Kate was infatuated with William for all those years. Lizzie feels reasonably sure she could make her move on Prince Harry. Chelsey Davy wouldn’t stand a chance.

3:25: The boys are shmoozing with the guests.

3:28: We have Middleton movement.

3:30: We now have the  ”Minor” members of the royal family being shuttle off a bus. “Minor” in that these are, like, 34th in line to the throne.

3:40: And…we have Charles and Camilla…

3:46: And…dressed in a bright yellow suit…Queen Elizabeth

3:48: If I was a betting woman, I would bet Prince Phillip is going to fall asleep during the ceremony

3:55: First glimpse of Kate’s dress as she gets into the car…and it is beautiful.

3:56: Kate’s sister, Pippa, arrives with the children attendants. She is sporting the Royal Spray Tan.

4:00: Kate seems so very composed. I suspect she has a flask under her seat.

4:05: The service has begun.

4:17: Just thinking it would be great to hear the Archbishop of Canterbury say, “Wuv. True Wuv..”

4:22: Vows. Rings. Pronouncement.

4:23: Pronouncement. Cheers from outside the abbey! Benediction. 4:24: Another hymn.

4:27: Kate’s brother is speaking. In. Short. Sentences. It’s. In part. From. Corinthians. Chapter. 13.

4:29: Westminster Men/Boy’s Choir is singing. I wonder if we’ll see the little boy from the earlier interview. They all kind of blend together at 4:30 in the morning.

4:31: All the pets are officially miffed that we are not in bed. Wibo is so tired he keeps falling of the Love Sac.

4:32: Choir is still singing. You heard one men/boy’s choir, you’ve heard ‘em all.

4:32: Lizzie just now realizes there are no women in this choir and declares the lot of them sexist.

4:34: Whew. Finally done.

4:34: Here comes the sermon. “Be who God wants you to be and set the world on fire.” I can get behind that.

4:34: More choir. Ugh.

4:46: Choir finished. William and Kate are standing. Here comes the kiss!

4:46: But first, another prayer.

4:47: And…back to the Archbishop of Canterbury. 4:48: The cat is playing with the monkey dog toy, activating the sound mechanism inside. In between each prayer, we hear monkey screams.

4:5:. Sheesh. KISS already.

4:53: Another benediction. But, will it be the last one?

4:53: More Sexist Choir stuff.

4:55: God save the Queen. Okay, I’m a little choked up. Seriously. This always gets me.

4:56: Hey…where are they going? William and Kate and all the parents have left via the back of the altar. I’m so confused. Is there some kind of secret marriage thing that takes place? Maybe a signing of something? A wine and cheese reception? All I know is that we are forced to listen to the more of the Westminster Abbey “No Girls Allowed” Choir.

4:59: Maybe it’s a magic trick. The song ends and BOOM! They come up through the floor in a cloud of smoke Criss Angel style.

5:00: Just realized we have another hour and a half before we get to see the balcony kiss. This calls for breakfast casserole and more coffee.

5:01: I glance over and notice that Lizzie has removed her tiara, ergo, I am removing my hat. Protocol be damned.

5:04: We have altar action. The parents are returning to their seats. I’m still hoping for that cloud of smoke. Maybe a laser.

5:05: Where the heck are William and Kate? Maybe they were abducted…I think they might want to consider calling Fox Mulder.

5:06: TRUMPETS! This sounds promising.

5:07: And…they’re back!

5:08: And…they’re walking… 5:10: Yikes! My battery is at 18%.

5:11: The crowd is going insane, and rightly so. They are a beautiful couple.

5:30: Talking talking talking….

6:26…and finally…The Kiss!

6:27 BED!

Like ·  ·